I have not been posting very often here. It is not because I have nothing to say. I guess I don’t really feel like trying to convince anyone to think the way I do. I’m passionate about what I believe, but you don’t have to be. And if you want to get an idea about what I believe read the previous post in this blog. Checkout the categories dropdown bar to the right and you’ll find the things I was trying most to understand. I still am.
My mind is open to the thoughts and ideas of other people, people who aren’t “christians.” It has taken me over 30 years to get to that point. And that probably concerns other christians. And I understand why. Because years ago I thought that as a christian I had to block out all other ways of seeing things, avoid certain kinds of people because of what they believed, or because of their religion, or ideas that didn’t come from a baptist or protestant way of thinking. I’m sure I missed opportunities to experience some really great people. I know of at least one relationship that I certainly would have liked to experience just a little bit longer. However, because of my “religion” and beliefs I cut off a person who’s company I greatly enjoyed. It nearly destroyed me. At least it felt that way.
Now in my 50’s I spend about 95% of my time alone. I don’t really know why it is happening. I don’t like it. I am sometimes okay with it, but, most of the time I am sad. Relationships are the most important thing in the world to me. Yet I don’t really know how to cultivate them, at least it seems that way. Maybe it’s because over the years as a christian I spent so much time avoiding certain people. I spent so much time excluding people. Now I want to be inclusive and I can’t seem to make new friends. It’s like people are avoiding me, or they’re resisting my efforts to befriend them.
I do have friends. Not very many. Certainly not as many friends as I thought I had when I was being so exclusive. Now that my thinking has changed, a lot of those people have excluded me because I no longer think the way they do. I still have a friends but they are spread all over the U.S. and I don’t get to see them. And then again, maybe some of them are not my friends. Maybe we’re just friends when we’re together.
Anyway, that’s about all I have to say this time. I didn’t even intend to write this. I was here to do something else and this happened.