The Love God

I call him the Love God because Love seems to be His greatest power. And for us humans love can be quite a challenge. My first real challenge with love came 17 years ago when I was faced with the possibility that my marriage might end. Five years later it did end. But by the time the end came, I was okay with it. In fact, I was at peace.

In the beginning, I was filled with fear. We had two kids and I didn’t want them to have to endure the challenges that come with being kids of divorced parents. I had a fear of being alone. I’ve always hated being alone. I didn’t think I could survive alone. I don’t know exactly what it was that I was afraid of, but, I was afraid. About fear, the Bible says, “ has no fear because perfect love expels all fear”(NLT Bible 1John 4:18). I had not been perfected in love (a work in progress).

I was angry too. I was angry at the circumstance I found myself in. I was angry with my spouse. I was angry at the Navy. I was angry with God, and I told him so in some strong cursing, evil, language.

At that point, I was at a crossroads. Am I going to continue in anger, bitterness, and fear, or, do I find and choose another way? I wanted to do the right thing but at this time the right thing was not in me. But then something happened. The Love of God poured out into my spirit, something I had not experience up until that moment.

It was a warm tingling sensation that burst in the center of my being. It expanded and overflowed out of me, and then engulfed me like a warm blanket, protecting me from the elements of a bitterly cold winter. I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND! I had just been expressing my anger at the Lord, like a child having a temper tantrum, and the result was the sudden sensation of love inside me, all over me, and all around me. Now you know why I called Him The Love God.

I know experiences like this don’t happen to everyone. However, it happened to me. There are times I have sensed the Lord’s presence, direction, and peace and love. However, I don’t really worry about what the Lord would want me to do in a given situation, or decision, or whatever, because it’s easier than that. But that’s for another blog post. However, I will say this; it takes faith, and not a lot of it. It doesn’t require your being perfect or good or holy. After all, I was complaining and blaming God for all my problems when I had this experience.

At that moment, as far as I was concerned, I was God’s only child, because that’s exactly what it felt like. Ever since this encounter with God’s love I have not been the same. That feeling of being God’s only child, His only focus, affected me deeply. In a song I wrote a few years ago, “Never Known Love Like This,” part of the chorus goes like this:

If I’d been the only one
Jesus would have come for me.
Up til’ now I didn’t really know,
I really didn’t understand, about the way you really feel.
I didn’t know, Lord.
I really didn’t understand your love.

For the next 17 years, I had begun to learn and know the true nature of God. He is not the God of love, but, He IS love. Knowing his love for me has sustained me. It has given me the power to do things that I did not believe possible.

Love enabled me to let go when my wife wanted to leave, and forgive the pain it caused me. Love enabled me to endure when my children chose to live with their mother several years later. Love has enabled me to endure my children as they grew and became teenagers, and are now growing into young adults. Love has enabled me to endure the many difficult changes that have taken place in my life. Love has enabled me to endure the loss of my Momma. Love enables me to endure the tremendous amount of time that I spend alone.

Knowing God’s love for me and for my children, friends (including my ex-wife), and all others, helps me to see all of them through the eyes of Love.

As I continue to grow in love and grace, I am forever changing for the better. There seems to be a new challenge for love every week, day, month, year? – it never stops. But I have confidence because “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance”(NLT Bible 1Corinthians 13:4-7).

Not only does Love describe the Lord’s nature, it describes His nature in me. I become more and more His son as I allow his love to work in me. Without his love, my life would mean nothing, would be about nothing, and would be a miserable existence. Love is what keeps me going because the world around us is changing all the time.