Since I began this blog years ago, I have written about everything from end-time prophecy to UFOs to who knows what. As the years went by, my life was changing. I began deconstructing my beliefs, faith, and what I thought I knew about God. I finally concluded that I DON’T KNOW SHIT!
Each year I am alive, I learn new things. For instance, the term “deconstruct” is a term I learned only this week. As I read more about deconstructing, I realized “deconstructing is what I have been doing for many years now.
I am no longer a religious person or subscribe to a particular denomination or group. I no longer believe in many of the “end-time” teachings I have heard in my 30 plus years of Christianity. I do not believe in conscious eternal damnation, burning in Hell forever and ever. And I certainly do not believe that being a good Christian has anything to do with being a patriot or good American.
Most Christians might call me a heretic or worse, but I don’t care. I am chasing after the truth. My goal is to know God and know how deeply he loves me. Every new level of love I discover causes me to love Him more. I think a verse of scripture talks about how we are changed as we remain face to face with the Lord. Maybe this one:
So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (2Cor 3:18).
I am different today than I was when I began this blog. Personal growth has brought much healing to my life. However, I still have a long way to go. I have not written on this blog so much because I don’t feel qualified, and I don’t know that I will ever get back to writing regularly.
My deconstruction and growth will continue, I’m sure. It began in 1990 with the Spirit of God asking me a question. It had to do with what I believed He thought about gay people. I had made some assumptions about the community and what they had coming to them. The Lord asked about my beliefs because they implicated Him. “Do you really believe I would do that?” − was the question he asked about the judgment I assumed was coming. The question was enough to cause me to contemplate my beliefs.
Since that time, many of my beliefs have changed. Many assumptions and false teachings have been undone/unlearned in the last thirty-two years. A lot of the process has been very painful and lonely. It was worth it. As a result, I feel freer, more patient & tolerant and accepting of others, and growing in love. Love is something I don’t do very well, but I am learning. It is not a quick process.
I like writing and sharing my thoughts here. Maybe I will continue. Maybe not. It will be the truth as I know it and understand it if I do. I am very serious about spiritual matters and would never knowingly mislead anyone. So read me at your own risk. In other words, do your own study and prayer. However, please don’t come here to argue about what I believe. I won’t participate. You and I have the Holy Spirit as a teacher and guide. You can trust Him to lead you into truth the same as me. Will I make mistakes? Yes. It won’t be the end of my world. I will learn and keep going with God.
I have discovered that it’s not about what I think the bible says. It is about knowing the Lord. And I am beginning to know Him, and it is changing me. In all the years of bible studies, prayer groups, church services, scripture memorization, and attempts at fasting, I never achieved the change I was seeking. Now I AM changing, and it is because I am beginning to know Him. It is mysterious, scary, and exhilarating.😊