I was having a good 4th of July weekend. I had gone on a couple of rides on my motorcycle. I was a little sore on Sunday the fourth, so I didn’t ride again. However, the day was not uneventful. Someone shot my cat, Lulu, with a be-be gun.

She came into the house around 7 pm. She was moving kind of slowly, and she did not come running when I offered her favorite snack. She will eat her snack even if she has already eaten. Then a few minutes later, she started to gag and then threw up. It was just a bunch of foam.

I thought maybe she had eaten something that may have been poisonous. I cleaned up her mess and picked her up. When I did, she started to squirm like she might have been in pain. So, I checked her over for wounds. I found a puncture wound on her right side. So, I shaved the area to get a good look. There was about a 1mm hole through her skin.

My son and I immediately took her to an emergency animal care facility. X-rays revealed be-be at the center of her lower back. The be-be had traveled about three inches to her lower back area. From the x-ray, they could not determine whether there was any damage to her internal organs. To find out for sure, they would need to do exploratory surgery, which would cost over $4,000. I didn’t have the money.

I did opt to leave her overnight for further observation (again, over $1,500). They had her on an IV, did more x-rays, and had more exams. They were hoping to determine whether she might be bleeding internally and were watching for signs of infection. Of course, there is a chance that the be-be missed all organs, and she will be fine.

She has been home for a day, and she does seem to be feeling better every hour. She has been eating and drinking and pottying. Now and then, she is a little mopy. Then she is okay with a bit of petting. The more contact, the better she seems to feel. So we just sit together as long as she wants.

I prayed a simple prayer yesterday afternoon amid my abundance of anger; “Father, holy is your name. Your will be done in the earth (in my life) as it is in Heaven. Give me today what I need. Lead me away from temptation.” Later in the day, the Lord answered my prayer by revealing who shot my cat.

I was furious most of the day because I thought one of my adult neighbors might have hurt my cat. It turns out it was kids. It eased my pain a little, and I was a little less angry. I remember doing some very dumb and sometimes horrible things as a kid. So I was able to forgive easier.

I have been struggling since 2020 with state of mind and emotions—the coronavirus, Trump, the election, what happened at the capital building, all took a toll. I am easily angered. I get frustrated. I find myself wondering if racism is behind the disappointments I face. I never used to feel mistreated because of my race until the Trump era. I am not trying to blame Trump for all my problems. I don’t blame him at all. And if I do, I should not.

It just seems like racism is out in the open more than it has been in the past. And I do feel like Trump was responsible for some of that. However, we can’t blame him for everything. I confess to being quite rattled by the latest developments in our country. I have felt anger and sadness, and despair. Sadly, I have become suspicious of people, and not only white people. All people. And the government.

That is what state of mind I’m in. I need prayer. My faith has been shaken as of late, but I will never give up. Jesus has saved me continually, and I will always be safe no matter how I may be feeling.

If you are struggling, I would love for you to leave a comment. If you plan to take issue with me about Trump or coronavirus or whatever, don’t bother. Those things just happen to be the flavor of the age we’re living in. They mean nothing.