My Better World

I just read one of my journal entries made on this day 4 years ago. It was pretty dark. My mom had just past away. The entry was entitled, “Worlds.”

I probably posted the same entry on this blog somewhere, if anyone is interested in searching for it. My world isn’t much different now than what it was 4 years ago. There are new people in my life whom I like a lot. I may even love one or two of them.

Things are different. I still spend much my own time alone. I can no longer say I spend most of my time alone. I drive a school bus. So for 7 hours a day, I am technically with other people. Most of them screaming and crawling around on the floor of the bus out of control but with other people none the less.

There is a girl I like, but way to chicken to do anything about it. I’m older though. She’s younger. That’s the cruel thing about age. As you get older physical attributes that attract you to a woman seem to stay the same as when you were young. So you feel like a dirty old man, at least I do.

I also feel like no one could ever be attracted to me. I’m overweight. 55 years old. I feel like a fat, ugly, dirty old man.

Anyway, the point I started this post to make is that I actually feel better about my world. But I’m more concerned about the real world now. I’m afraid we will end up in a world war unlike any other. I feel like millions will be killed, maybe billions. I don’t want that. No one wants that, I would hope.

Other than that whole thing, and being afraid to go after love again, I’m great. Really, I am. Maybe I’ll do something about that love thing one of these days.😊

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