This website is not about the “Word Of Faith Movement.” I have referenced some of the more well-known preachers because they make some great points. On this site, I am not going to tell you that you can be rich in the kingdom of God by giving away your stuff. That’s between you and the Lord. I am not going to tell you that if you give to a certain ministry that you will get it back a hundredfold. The purpose of this site is to encourage people to trust God. And you can trust him with your finances. You can trust Him to take care of you in difficult situations. You can trust God with your very life.
When my marriage began to completely fall apart I was absolutely devastated. I didn’t know which way was up or which way was down. When I realized that it could very well end I was stunned. I was more terrified than I had ever been in my entire life. I found it hard to go to work. I stopped eating. If I had not been drinking water I might have died. I lost over 25 pounds in about a month. The world I knew had been destroyed. How do you get through something like that?
I was afraid for my kids. I didn’t want them to be the product of a broken home and marriage. I didn’t want to pass on the curse of divorce. That’s right. I called it a curse and it is. I fought it. I tried to find out what was going on. I tried to fix it when I finally figured it out but nothing I did made it any better. It just kept deteriorating. I wanted to die. I wanted her to die. In my mind death was better than living through what I was experiencing.
I was stationed in Italy at the time. I had no family to turn to. Just like David in Psalms 10:38, my friends started to avoid me because of my sadness. My command was worried that I might do something to hurt myself, or, stress to the point of a heart attack which, I nearly did. My to this day EKG shows evidence of a mild heart attack. I wore the pastor of my church out. He held me up in prayer as best he could. Couple’s counseling was out. Just didn’t happen. I was alone. Isolated. Dead in the water.
The only way I could control my thought was to speak God’s word out loud. I didn’t have it memorized so, I was reading, out loud, to myself. I could not quiet the horrible thoughts that were going through my mind. I Read! OUT LOUD! It was all I could do. As time passes you get used to the world you’ve been thrown into. Finally, I was able to pray. I was praying most of the day. When I had a break I would go out to pray. If I didn’t know what to pray I read the words of God out loud.
I finally began to find some comfort in what I was reading. I was beginning to rely on the Lord to make it through the day. He began to show me things about my life that needed improvement. The biggest area was love. Interestingly, He had begun this work before the marriage began to totally fail.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..
I was nothing like this. This kind of love did not exist in me. I had lost all patience. I was so angry that I wanted to hurt my spouse. I did not, and, that was the grace of God. I was hurt. There is no part of this description of love that was in me. Yet I still was resisting, and, the Lord was still there taking care of me. He is all of these things and more. When my unit was out on trips or missions or whatever you want to call them (I was in the fricking band), I would drink heavily trying to blot out what I was going through. I wasn’t like this all the time. I did try to be what I saw in God’s word. But it doesn’t exactly work that way. I discovered that for this kind of love to happen in my life I had to let God live it out in me.
On one of these trips to Northern Italy, I stayed out all night drinking with guys I worked with and some Irish fellas we met while we were out. Our plane was leaving late the next morning so I got a little bit of a nap in before I had to be on the plane. Even though I thought I wanted to die, I was afraid to die apparently. I didn’t like flying. I had been such a drunken ass on these trips that I thought maybe I was deserving of a fiery death in a plane crash or something. I was a little bit afraid it was going to happen.
When I woke up I was just laying on the bed. I had a hangover. I had a headache and I was angry. By now my marriage had been rapidly falling apart for months. I just laid there staring at the ceiling. I think this was my lowest point. I was giving up. I didn’t care if I lived or died. The next words that came out of my mouth were directed at the Lord and they surprised me. “I hate you.” Great faith huh?
I began to cry. I cannot explain what I was feeling, but, all my fear left me. All my anger left me. I was in a fetal position sobbing uncontrollably. I don’t know what I was expecting to happen but, I certainly didn’t expect what was beginning to happen. I felt warm all over. I felt like I was being held in someone’s arms. I felt more love than I had ever experienced in my entire life. I felt an overwhelming peace.
He is a big God. He is patient and kind. He is not envious of others. He does not boast. He is humble and not proud. He is not rude or self-seeking. He really isn’t easily angered. He keeps no record of my wrongs because of His Son Yeshua (Jesus). He hates evil but He rejoices with the truth. He always protects me no matter what. He trusts. He hopes. He will always persevere. He never fails.
Even when I was trying to give up and break away His love held on to me. He met me where I was. He comforted me. He held me in His arms and filled me with His love. It is one of the single greatest experiences in my life. From that moment I knew beyond all circumstances that He loved me.
I wish I could tell you that everything worked out and that I am still married but, I am a slow learner. But, I know God is still with me. He loves me. He always has my back. He is always looking out for my best interest. That is my faith. I trust Him with my life. Because of Him, I have a great relationship with my ex-wife and her new husband. My kids are blessed. There are none of the typical problems of divorce between us. Only God could do that.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5)
What about you? Do you trust Him? Let me hear from you.