You Can Trust The Lord God

This website is not about the “Word Of Faith Movement.” I have referenced some of the more well-known preachers because they make some great points. On this site, I am not going to tell you that you can be rich in the kingdom of God by giving away your stuff. That’s between you and the Lord. I am not going to tell you that if you give to a certain ministry that you will get it back a hundredfold. The purpose of this site is to encourage people to trust God. And you can trust him with your finances. You can trust Him to take care of you in difficult situations. You can trust God with your very life.

When my marriage began to completely fall apart I was absolutely devastated. I didn’t know which way was up or which way was down. When I realized that it could very well end I was stunned. I was more terrified than I had ever been in my entire life. I found it hard to go to work. I stopped eating. If I had not been drinking water I might have died. I lost over 25 pounds in about a month. The world I knew had been destroyed. How do you get through something like that?

I was afraid for my kids. I didn’t want them to be the product of a broken home and marriage. I didn’t want to pass on the curse of divorce. That’s right. I called it a curse and it is. I fought it. I tried to find out what was going on. I tried to fix it when I finally figured it out but nothing I did made it any better. It just kept deteriorating. I wanted to die. I wanted her to die. In my mind death was better than living through what I was experiencing.

I was stationed in Italy at the time. I had no family to turn to. Just like David in Psalms 10:38, my friends started to avoid me because of my sadness. My command was worried that I might do something to hurt myself, or, stress to the point of a heart attack which, I nearly did. My to this day EKG shows evidence of a mild heart attack. I wore the pastor of my church out. He held me up in prayer as best he could. Couple’s counseling was out. Just didn’t happen. I was alone. Isolated. Dead in the water.

The only way I could control my thought was to speak God’s word out loud. I didn’t have it memorized so, I was reading, out loud, to myself. I could not quiet the horrible thoughts that were going through my mind. I Read! OUT LOUD! It was all I could do. As time passes you get used to the world you’ve been thrown into. Finally, I was able to pray. I was praying most of the day. When I had a break I would go out to pray. If I didn’t know what to pray I read the words of God out loud.

I finally began to find some comfort in what I was reading. I was beginning to rely on the Lord to make it through the day. He began to show me things about my life that needed improvement. The biggest area was love. Interestingly, He had begun this work before the marriage began to totally fail.

1Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails..

I was nothing like this. This kind of love did not exist in me. I had lost all patience. I was so angry that I wanted to hurt my spouse. I did not, and, that was the grace of God. I was hurt. There is no part of this description of love that was in me. Yet I still was resisting, and, the Lord was still there taking care of me. He is all of these things and more. When my unit was out on trips or missions or whatever you want to call them (I was in the fricking band), I would drink heavily trying to blot out what I was going through. I wasn’t like this all the time. I did try to be what I saw in God’s word. But it doesn’t exactly work that way. I discovered that for this kind of love to happen in my life I had to let God live it out in me.

On one of these trips to Northern Italy, I stayed out all night drinking with guys I worked with and some Irish fellas we met while we were out. Our plane was leaving late the next morning so I got a little bit of a nap in before I had to be on the plane. Even though I thought I wanted to die, I was afraid to die apparently. I didn’t like flying. I had been such a drunken ass on these trips that I thought maybe I was deserving of a fiery death in a plane crash or something. I was a little bit afraid it was going to happen.

When I woke up I was just laying on the bed. I had a hangover. I had a headache and I was angry. By now my marriage had been rapidly falling apart for months. I just laid there staring at the ceiling. I think this was my lowest point. I was giving up. I didn’t care if I lived or died. The next words that came out of my mouth were directed at the Lord and they surprised me. “I hate you.” Great faith huh?

I began to cry. I cannot explain what I was feeling, but, all my fear left me. All my anger left me. I was in a fetal position sobbing uncontrollably. I don’t know what I was expecting to happen but, I certainly didn’t expect what was beginning to happen. I felt warm all over. I felt like I was being held in someone’s arms. I felt more love than I had ever experienced in my entire life. I felt an overwhelming peace.

He is a big God. He is patient and kind. He is not envious of others. He does not boast. He is humble and not proud. He is not rude or self-seeking. He really isn’t easily angered. He keeps no record of my wrongs because of His Son Yeshua (Jesus). He hates evil but He rejoices with the truth. He always protects me no matter what. He trusts. He hopes. He will always persevere. He never fails.

Even when I was trying to give up and break away His love held on to me. He met me where I was. He comforted me. He held me in His arms and filled me with His love. It is one of the single greatest experiences in my life. From that moment I knew beyond all circumstances that He loved me.

I wish I could tell you that everything worked out and that I am still married but, I am a slow learner. But, I know God is still with me. He loves me. He always has my back. He is always looking out for my best interest. That is my faith. I trust Him with my life. Because of Him, I have a great relationship with my ex-wife and her new husband. My kids are blessed. There are none of the typical problems of divorce between us. Only God could do that.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5)

What about you? Do you trust Him? Let me hear from you.

 

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4 thoughts on “You Can Trust The Lord God

  1. Tony,

    I don’t know how to say this. God has been working in my life in full scale for about a week now. The previous five, almost six years since my wife left I had literally hated, argued, and blamed God for my lack of success.

    My ex-wife took everything from me financially and, because of that, I withdrew from God. I quit my job, dropped in weight (6’3″ 216lbs to 139), and started abusing marijuana. I started seeking answers in “New Age” thinking. But, nothing I did took away the guilt. Nothing I did ever could.

    Over the course of the next five to six years I contemplated suicide on deeper and deeper levels. How I could do it that wouldn’t leave a mess for my parents (I have no siblings). I worked 90 hours a week. I looked for company from those who did not believe.

    But, a few nights ago.. it happened. What you described. The heat, almost like warm water pouring from my head to my feet. The hairs on my arms stood up (as they are now). I had felt this feeling before, when I was younger and more willing to accept God. Never this magnitude. Since that night I have allowed Christ to work in, on, and around me. People I haven’t talked to in months or years have called me.. Christian friends who have fallen or are about to fall.

    My father said had been needing to “let go and let God”.. and I finally did. I wanted to write this publicly and express to you that I know both how you felt and how you feel now. You are not alone and, believe me when I say, it’s good to hear I’m not either.

    Thank you Tony, and for both of us.. thank you Jesus!

    Michael

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  2. Thanks so much for your most inspiring and encouraging message, Tony. You have a powerful testimony of the transforming power of the love of God. Only the love of God could sustain you through the ordeal that you went through, and you still came through triumphantly. Truly the Lord is great and greatly to be praised. Your message especially ministered to me in light of a song that came to mind this morning before I just “happened” to come across your message from Twitter. I was recalling the lyrics to a hymn I first heard more than thirty-six years ago a few days before I got married. Here are the lyrics

    “I Am Trusting Thee, Lord Jesus”
    by Frances R. Havergal, 1836-1879

    1. I am trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
    Trusting only Thee;
    Trusting Thee for full salvation,
    Great and free.

    2. I am trusting Thee for pardon;
    At Thy feet I bow,
    For Thy grace and tender mercy
    Trusting now.

    3. I am trusting Thee for cleansing
    In the crimson flood;
    Trusting Thee to make me holy
    By Thy blood.

    4. I am trusting Thee to guide me;
    Thou alone shalt lead,
    Ev’ry day and hour supplying
    All my need.

    5. I am trusting Thee for power;
    Thine can never fail.
    Words which Thou Thyself shalt give me
    Must prevail.

    6. I am trusting Thee, Lord Jesus;
    Never let me fall.
    I am trusting Thee forever
    And for all.

    I recall humming the tune, as I was driving down the road traveling from Ohio going to Washington, DC with my brand new wife, on our way to my first ministry assignment. I am still learning to trust and obey, for there’s no other way. Thanks for the reminder through your testimony and exhortation from the Scriptures which ministered to me in a deep and profound way.

    I have recently started a wordpress.com which I think you would be blessed to read: http://drlej.wordpress.com/ I am also Christian Spirituality Examiner for Columbus, Ohio for Examiner.com. I also want to invite you check out some of the articles that I’ve written and see that we share a similar passion for the Word of God. Here’s my web address:
    http://www.examiner.com/x-20264-Columbus-Christian-Spirituality-Examiner

    I’m sure we will keep in touch and encourage one another in the faith, which is one of my favorite topics. As time unfolds I hope to share with you some of the teachings and poetry I’ve written related to faith.

    I look forward to corresponding.
    Your fellow laborer and brother in the Lord,

    Lonnell Johnson

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