Well, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I am thankful for the most part. I know I have been writing lately about my own depression and dissatisfaction with my own life. But yesterday was Thanksgiving Day and I was happy to be getting together with friends and family for dinner.
I Am Thankful
I am thankful for: my kids, my girlfriend, my friends, my brother & sisters, my cousins, aunts & uncles, my cat (Lulu), a place to live, a means of transportation, clothing, healthcare, dental insurance, the means to make a living, and whatever else; MY LIFE!
Yes, there are parts of my life I am dissatisfied with. There are things I’ve never accomplished. Things I’ve never done. There are things I’ve done that I’m ashamed of. There are things I’d like to do that I’m ashamed of. There are things I’ve done that have not amounted to anything, a waste of time. The bottom line? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t know what I should be doing. Am I SUPPOSED to be doing anything?
I have always been plagued with the question, “am I doing the right thing?” I think it has to do with religious indoctrination, maybe. I am still overcoming the effects that religion can have on a person. It can cause you to become caught in bondage. You start living by rules and from your head instead of from your heart.
We are supposed to be living by the Spirit who lives in our hearts. When we get into obeying the law and living by rules, we begin to drive ourselves crazy. When living by the Spirit things are much easier because it happens more easily. It feels more natural to follow impetus from inside your own heart (Jesus) than to try and live by a set of rules.
All that being said, it was great getting together with friends and family yesterday. There was a lot of great food, and, I must say the desserts were spectacular!
I still feel somewhat down. I don’t know how long it will last. It may never end. All I can do is continue to pray. And I do still pray. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving.