I am currently in the waiting room at my doctor’s office. I’ve just gone through the initial screening with the nurse. It seems that they may be required to ask you about depression, your thoughts and moods. I guess because suicides are up in every demographic.

I sometimes wish someone would call or come by, and I don’t have that many friends in my area. When I feel up to it, I visit said friends. However, not one of them comes calling on me, ever. I don’t know what to think about that.

I try not to let it bother me, but truthfully, it does. I try to keep myself busy by playing my sax or riding my motorcycle. Sometimes I can’t do either of those activities because of back and neck pain. And at that point, I do feel neglected.

One of my best friends struggles more than I do with this issue. We were in the Navy together. Both of us spent twenty years serving. Once I got out, I was immediately overcome by feelings of isolation. I felt cut off from the world. All the people you once worked with are suddenly gone, and coping can be difficult.

My friend seems depressed to me, and I worry about him. I told him I was thinking of visiting, but he told me he didn’t want any visitors; he said he was in a bad place and didn’t want to see anyone. I don’t know what to do. I have prayed for him and will continue.

We share the issue of not seeing or hearing from our children. I have a son living in town. Sometimes I won’t hear from or see him for weeks. My daughter is away training in the Navy. She’s busy. I get it. It is still difficult, though.

I know the Lord is with me, and that keeps going. And really, it keeps getting better. I usually don’t attend church often but participate in a Zoom fellowship on Sunday afternoons. We usually have some great discussions. Also, I have been turned on to some great books while on the call.

I intend to make an effort to actually go to church more often. The reason I have not been going is that I usually feel uncomfortable around actual people. It is definitely not the people at church. They are some of the nicest people I’ve come across in a while.

Depression has reached epidemic levels in this country. It seems to be very high among veterans, especially combat veterans. I imagine it is a serious problem among non-combat veterans as well. Combat is not the only thing that causes PTSD. Many traumas can cause psychological damage. Something as simple as being married could be the cause. I suspect most traumas these days are caused in early childhood. Child abuse (sexual or otherwise) is very prevalent these days. Children are going through hell, and when they are not, they are just being neglected and ignored.

I have early childhood sexual trauma I have been working through for years. It contributed to my failed relationships with women and my marriage. I won’t go into the details of that, but I believe it was a significant contribution. I struggled with knowing my sexual orientation when I was younger. Over the years, I have gotten passed it, difficult as it was. It took a lot of prayers and healing. It is a long process.

There were times I could have been classified as clinically depressed. I think it is miraculous that I got through it. I had suicidal thoughts many times but never had an impetus to follow through, mostly because of fear. I have many years of Christian religious indoctrination under my belt, so I was definitely afraid of what might happen to my soul if I took my own life. That doctrine of suffering torment in hell forever was prominent in my mind. I no longer believe in such tales.

The doctrine of everlasting torment is also a source of trauma for many in the United States. This post is not about that. Maybe later. The point is the citizens of the U.S. are struggling. Most of them don’t know it. Some may even be suffering from depression. It is a very real and prevalent disease.

Anyway, my doctor is investigating my hip pain. There may be some physical therapy in the near future. Also, I mentioned in an earlier post that a Planet Fitness opening is very near me. It is so close that I think I will be motivated to work out regularly. That should help.

This week my pain levels are very low. My pain comes in cycles. I don’t know how many more painless weeks I will have before the pain returns. I wish I knew something I could do to keep the pain from coming, but it always does. Pain also has a way of causing me to feel down. It also causes some fear to manifest in me. I have a saying, “aging is not for cowards.”

Getting older has been quite the experience. Depression could easily become a part of that. If you are one who prays, pray for me. I would appreciate it. I need all the help I can get.